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Prologue: The Guest Star's dressing room[]

Scooter: [Knocking On Door 5 Times] "(Guest Star's Name), oh, (Guest Star's Name), 15 2nds 'til curtain, Miss (Guest Star's Last Name)."

Guest Star: "Oh thank you, Scooter, it'll be so wonderful to do the show with you guys."

Scooter: "I know, it's super exciting, but let's hope no ping-pong balls come bouncing down in here."

Suddenly, an entire bunch of ping-pong balls come bouncing down in the Guest Star's dressing room.

Scooter: "I think I spoke way too soon."

Kermit appears right through The All-New Muppet Show logo..........

Kermit: "It's The All-New Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Miss Annie Potts, yaaaaaaay!"

[The All-New Muppet Show Theme Music In Background]

Rowlf: [Playing On Piano Keys]

[Music Continues In Background]

Female Muppet friends: It's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights, it's time to meet the Muppets on The All-New Muppet Show tonight

Male Muppet friends: it's time to put on make-up, it's time to dress up right, it's time to raise the curtain on The All-New Muppet Show tonight

Waldorf: why do we always come here?

Statler: I guess we'll never know

Waldorf: it's like some kind of torture

Statler: to have to watch the show

[Music Continues]

Kermit: and now let's get things started

Miss Piggy: why don't you get things started

Kermit and Muppet friends: it's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirtational, celebrational, Muppet-ational, this is what we call The All-New Muppet Show.........

[Sounds Of A Chimpanzee Screeching]

Scene 1: Onstage/the introduction[]

Kermit: "Thank you, everybody, and welcome again to The All-New Muppet Show, tonight's a very special night for all of us 'cause our very special guest is Miss (Guest Star's Name), and that's not all, she's been in Ghostbusters, Crimes of Passion, Toy Story, Toy Story 2 and Toy Story 4, but 1st, it's time for the opening musical number."

Bunsen and Beaker show up onstage.

Bunsen: "Oh, Kermit, there you are, I just want you to know that Beaker and I have just finished our new invention: the Slumber-Tronic 800, so you'd better make sure nobody goes near it, 'cause otherwise they'd fall right in a deep slumber."

Kermit: "Oh thanks a bunch, Dr. Honeydew, I wouldn't want any of that to happen."

Bunsen: "Come on, Beaker, let's go backstage, please."

Beaker: "Mee, mee, mo, mee, mee."

Kermit: "Anyway, it's time for me and Piggy to do our opening musical number."

Opening Musical number: Love Survives[]

Rowlf: [Playing On Piano Keys]

Rowlf: [Continues Playing On Piano Keys]

Miss Piggy: Now I know

you're safe here in my heart

you will always be with me

we'll never be apart

Kermit: never knew

how strong my love could be

you're the 1 I've waited for

now you're home

I believe

Kermit and Miss Piggy: love survives

beyond our lives

Miss Piggy: I feel those times growing stronger

Kermit: growing stronger

Kermit and Miss Piggy: love survives

the tears we cried

yes love

yes love

survives it all

yes love survives it all

love survives it all

[Music Continues]

Kermit: even when we want to run and hide

love comes in to pull us through

from deep inside

Miss Piggy: oh the magic

Kermit: the magic

Miss Piggy: has made us who we are

Kermit: who we are

Miss Piggy: don't you see we've come so far

take my hand

you made me understand

Kermit and Miss Piggy: love survives

beyond our lives

Miss Piggy: I feel those times growing stronger

Kermit: growing stronger

Kermit and Miss Piggy: love survives

the tears we cried

yes love

yes love

survives it all

yes love survives it all

[Music Continues Again]

Kermit and Miss Piggy: love survives

beyond our lives

Miss Piggy: oh I feel those times growing stronger

Kermit: growing stronger

Kermit and Miss Piggy: love survives

the tears we cried

yes love

yes love

survives it all

yes love survives it all

love survives it all........

[Music Ends]

Cut to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony.......

Waldorf: "Tell me, Statler, does this song remind you of anything?"

Statler: "Well, it sort of reminds me of the September 11th memorial ceremony, what does that song remind you of?"

Waldorf: "The good times with me and my beautiful wife, Astoria."

Statler: "That sure makes her the lucky woman in town."

Waldorf: "Lucky number 13!"

Statler and Waldorf: [Laughing Uncontrollably]

Cut back to Kermit in his office backstage.......

Kermit: "Let's see what's next, (he looks right at the list.) oh, Bear on Patrol is next, Bear on Patrol is next onstage, everybody."

Bear on Patrol sketch number: A snake in a can on the librarian's desk[]

Announcer: "And now, ridding the world of evil, here comes Bear on Patrol."

Fozzie/Patrol Bear: "Okay, just a few more steps, perfect, there you go."

Beauregard: "But I didn't do it, Patrol Bear, it must've been a prank master who did it."

Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "Tell me, what seems to be the trouble here, Patrol Bear?"

Fozzie/Patrol Bear: "This young man snuck up on the librarian and put a snake in a can on her desk."

Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "Oh, I see, tell me your name, please."

Beauregard: "I'm Beauregard, the stage manager of the Muppet Theater, and I'm innocent, I would never put a snake in a can on somebody's desk."

Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "Let me check the guilty and innocent list."

Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob scans right through the innocent list and finds Beauregard's name written on here.

Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "You're right, you're innocent after all, so, Patrol Bear, you can let him go right now."

Fozzie/Patrol Bear: "Yes, Officer Hogthrob, sir."

Fozzie/Patrol Bear releases Beauregard from the handcuffs.

Beauregard: "Oh thanks a bunch, Patrol Bear."

Fozzie/Patrol Bear: "You're welcome."

Talk Spot[]

Kermit: "So, (Guest Star's 1st Name), how did you do on voicing Bo Peep in Toy Story, Toy Story 2 and Toy Story 4?"

Guest Star: "Well, you guys, I did real good at performing her voice in those movie series, but it's too bad she never appeared in Toy Story 3, 'cause I was too busy doing other movies to voice her again."

Walter: "Wow, that's too bad, but at least Bo Peep returned in Toy Story 4 by the way."

Bunsen and Beaker show up with the Slumber-Tronic 800.

Bunsen: "Oh good news, my dear good friends, you're just in time to see the Slumber-Tronic 800, (he turns over to Beaker.) go ahead, Beaker, pull that lever."

Beaker: Mee, mee!

Beaker pulls down the lever, and Scooter falls right into a deep slumber.

Scooter: [Snoring Lightly]

Fozzie: "Oh my gosh, I don't believe this!"

Gonzo: "Scooter's fallen right into a deep slumber!"

Skeeter: "Somebody try to wake my twin brother up right away!"

The Swedish Chef Sketch number: Beef and cheese tacos[]

Swedish Chef: Yorn desh born, der ritt de gitt der gue,

orn desh, dee born desh,

de umn

bork, bork, bork

Swedish Chef: "Tunight, ve-a're-a mekeeng beeff und cheese-a tecus, vhet a night fur zeem eet ees."

The Swedish Chef sets out 3 paper plates.

Swedish Chef: "Furst, ve-a get oooot three-a heeted up sufft turtille."

The Swedish Chef gets out 3 heated up soft shell tortillas and puts them on the 3 paper plates.

Swedish Chef: "Next, ve-a leene-a up sume-a vell cuuked hemboorger beeff oon zee turteelles."

The Swedish Chef lines up the well cooked hamburger beef on the tortillas.

Swedish Chef: "Next, poot oon sume-a shredded Mexeecun cheese-a."

The Swedish Chef puts the shredded Mexican cheese on top of the hamburger beef part.

Swedish Chef: "Next, ve-a poot in sume-a yelloo reece-a."

The Swedish Chef puts some yellow rice on the beef and cheese parts.

Swedish Chef: "Und lest boot nut leest, ve-a tup it ooffff veet meeld tecu sooce-a."

The Swedish Chef tops it off with mild taco sauce, then wraps them up completely.

Swedish Chef: "Und zeere-a yuoo hefe-a it: beeff und cheese-a tecus oon zee gu."

The 3 beef and cheese tacos come to life and begin making jokes at 1 another.

Beef and Cheese Taco number 1: "Why did the duck cross the road?"

Beef and Cheese Taco number 2: "I don't know, why did he?"

Beef and Cheese Taco number 1: "'Cause the chicken took a vacation!"

Beef and Cheese Taco number 3: "That's real hilarious!"

Swedish Chef: "Vhet zee hey?"

Cut back to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again............

Statler: "You know, Waldorf, I used to be a Mexican waiter at a Mexican Diner."

Waldorf: "Oh, really? so did I."

Statler: "Beef and cheese tacos on the go."

Waldorf: "Hold the taco sauce!"

Statler and Waldorf: [Laughing Uncontrollably Again]

Cut back to Kermit in his office backstage again........

Kermit: "Pigs in Space is next, Pigs in Space is next onstage, everybody."

Pigs in Space sketch number: Giant Space Monster attacking[]

Announcer: "And now it's time for Pigs in Spaaaace, starring Captain Link Hogthrob, 1st Mate Piggy and the wise cracking scientific genius, Dr. Strangepork, where we last left our heroes aboard the Swine Trek."

Link Hogthrob: "Boy, it sure is nice and peaceful around here."

Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy: "It sure is, and I bet Dr. Strangepork has come up with another invention idea."

Dr. Strangepork: "Hey, you guys, check out my new invention: the Bubble Trap 400."

Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy: "Oh my gosh, that's wonderful."

Link Hogthrob: "How does it work?"

Dr. Strangepork: "WIth the push of this red button, it creates real giant bubbles to trap giant space monsters."

Link Hogthrob: "In fact, here comes a giant space monster right now!"

Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy: "What the-"

Fozzie comes in dressed up as a giant green space monster.

Fozzie/Giant Space Monster: [Space Monster Sound Effects]

Dr. Strangepork: "Stand back, everybody, the Bubble Trap 400 will come in handy."

Dr. Strangepork releases a giant bubble and traps Fozzie/the Giant Space Monster.

Fozzie/Giant Space Monster: "Hey, what gives?"

Link Hogthrob: "Nice work, Dr. Strangepork."

Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy: "That oughta hold him back."

Fozzie/Giant Space Monster: "Hey, I'm beginning to fly around all over the place!"

Announcer: "Will Dr. Strangepork ever keep another giant space monster in control? will Captain Link Hogthrob ever report for duty? does 1st Mate Piggy still have her beauty looks? find out on the next exciting episode of Pigs in Spaaaace."

Muppet News Flash: Space robots invasion[]

Newsman (off screen): "Here's a Muppet News Flash."

The Newsman sits right at his desk.

Newsman: "This just in, there's been reports about an invasion of space robots, they're all over the entire city town, so you'd best be on the look out for when they show up."

Suddenly, an army of space robots begin marching right into the news room.

Newsman: "I think I must've spoke too soon."

Cut back to Kermit in his office backstage again........

Kermit: "Veterinarian's Hospital is next, Veterinarian's Hospital is next onstage, everybody."

Veterinarian's Hospital sketch number: Gonzo as the patient[]

Announcer: "And now, Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of a quack, who's gone to the dogs."

Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "So then I said 'Stop complaining, you've got 8 more of them, haven't you?' it was a riot."

Janice/Nurse Janice: "Oh, Dr. Bob, you're terrible horrible."

Miss Piggy/Nurse Piggy: "And for once, she's not speaking about your medical skills."

Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "Now then--is there anything you'd like me to cut off?"

Gonzo/Patient: "What...? no, no, Dr., I have terrible pains in my knee caps."

Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "Hmm....they sound alright to me, that's an F sharp, isn't it?"

Fozzie/Patient: "H-How can you possibly tell?"

Janice/Nurse Janice: "Dr. Bob has perfect pitch, so if your room ever needs re-sealing, you know who to call."

Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "Tell you what--I'll give you some cream to rub on twice daily."

Gonzo/Patient: "On my knee caps?"

Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "No, you can stand up if you wanna."

Announcer: "Will Nurse Piggy tell Dr. Bob that he's just given his patient a pot of industrial strength glue? will Nurse Janice yet learn to play the spoons? does Dr. Bob still have the cereal box in which he found his medical degree? tune in next time when you'll hear Nurse Piggy say-"

Miss Piggy/Nurse Piggy: "So, Dr. Bob, have you got any advice for this patient?"

Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "Yes, of course, a little chickory can make coffee taste much smoother."

Cut back to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again.........

Waldorf: "You know, Statler, I used to get plain ill conditions in my entire life."

Statler: "What kind of meds did you take for that?"

Waldorf: "A dosage of pain killer pills."

Statler: "Don't rate the pain!"

Statler and Waldorf: [Laughing Uncontrollably Again]

Muppet Sports sketch number: apple juggling[]

Louis Kazagger: "Welcome again, everybody, to the wild world of Muppet Sports, where I've heard that 1 of the contestants is about to juggle red and green apples."

The camera zooms in on Fozzie, who's about to juggle the red and green apples.

[Gunshot Sound]

Fozzie begins juggling the red and green apples without dropping them on the ground.

Louis Kazagger: "And he's juggling, will he succeed? will he win?"

Fozzie continues juggling the red and green apples 'til he wins the contest and succeeds.

Louis Kazagger: "He did it, he succeeded, he won the contest!"

Cut back to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again........

Statler: "So, Waldorf, have you ever juggled in a circus before?"

Waldorf: "Well, I used to, back in our younger years, we used to juggle plums and bell peppers."

Statler: "Long live the king of the circus!"

Statler and Waldorf: [Laughing Uncontrollably Again]

Cut back to Kermit in his office backstage again........

Kermit: "Muppet Labs is next, Muppet Labs is next onstage, everybody."

Muppet Labs sketch number: Meep Translator[]

[Clock Ticking]

[Muppet Labs Theme Music In Background]

Bunsen: "Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, here at Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today, (brief pause), that's exactly right, we're testing out our new invention: the Meep Translator."

(Another Brief Pause)

Bunsen: "Have you ever wished to understand what Beaker is saying to you? well, the Meep Translator can translate Beaker's meep language in plain English language, which of course, my faithful assistant, Beaker, will now give it a try, (he turns over to Beaker), go ahead, Beaker, give it a go."

Beaker pushes the green button on the Meep Translator.

Beaker: "Mee, mee, mo, mee, mee."

The meeps are translated into the words: "Alright, here we go."

Bunsen: "Good, Beaker, very good."

Beaker: "Mee, mo, mee, mee, mo, mee, mo, mee."

The meeps are translated into the words: "I don't like where this is going."

Bunsen: "Splendid, well done."

The machine suddenly goes crazy, and Beaker faints to the floor.

Bunsen: "I wonder where Beaker went, oh well, that's all the time we have left for tonight, so join us here at Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today."

Cut back to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again............

Waldorf: "You know, Statler, I once used a French language translator."

Statler: "Oh, really? well I once used a Spanish language translator."

Waldorf: "I even used a Japanese language translator."

Statler: "Language of comedy and laughter!"

Statler and Waldorf: [Laughing Uncontrollably Again]

Cut back to Kermit onstage again.......

Kermit: "And now, ladies and gentlemen, good friends of all ages, it's time for our closing musical number."

Closing Musical number: Imagine (Muppets version)[]

Rowlf: [Playing On Piano Keys]

Kermit: Imagine there's no heaven
it's easy if you try
no heck below us
above us only sky

Gonzo: imagine all the people
livin' for today

Scooter: imagine there's no countries
it isn't hard to do
nothing to kill or die for
and no religion too

Robin: imagine all the people
livin' life in peace

Fozzie: you may say I'm a dreamer
but I'm not the only 1
I hope someday you'll join us
and the world will be as 1

Rowlf: imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
no need for greed or hunger
a brotherhood of man

Beauregard: imagine all the people
sharin' all the world

Scooter: you may say I'm a dreamer
but I'm not the only 1
I hope someday you'll join us
and the world will be as 1.......

Cut back to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony once again........

Waldorf: "Well, Statler, this song is perfectly good, I think they should go on American Idol or America's Got Talent."

Statler: "Well I think they should put up a talent show more often."

Waldorf: "Music to our ears!"

Statler and Waldorf: [Laughing Uncontrollably Once Again]

Scene 2: Back onstage/welcoming the guest star[]

Kermit: "Thank you, everybody, you were such a wonderful audience tonight, and thankfully, Scooter's finally awake from his deep slumber, but right before we go, let's give a nice warm round of applause for Miss (Guest Star's Name), yaaaaaay!"

The Guest Star arrives out onstage.........

Guest Star: "Thanks a bunch, Kermit and good friends, it's been so wonderful being on the show with you guys tonight."

Kermit: "Well, we really appreciate it, (Guest Star's 1st Name), it was super exciting."

Bunsen and Beaker arrive onstage.

Bunsen: "Excuse me, but I think Beaker and I would get offstage to invent an awakening spray potion if we were you guys."

Scooter: "Why's that, Dr. Honeydew?"

Bunsen: "Animal, the drummer of the Electric Mayhem band, has just fallen into a deep slumber."

Kermit, Walter and the others look around to see that Animal is fast asleep.

Kermit: "Good grief, I don't believe this, but we'll see you next time on The All-New Muppet Show."

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